lakischasmith - Moms of Color

Posted on May 4, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith

Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: Strategies for Success

Co-parenting is often challenging, but it can be especially difficult when one parent is a narcissist. Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and desire for control. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and can have a negative impact on both the parent and the child. However, there are strategies you can use to co-parent successfully with a narcissist.

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior

Before we discuss strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist, it’s essential to understand some of the traits and behaviors that are common in narcissistic individuals. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and often believe they are superior to others. They lack empathy, struggle to form healthy relationships, and have an insatiable desire for control and admiration.

Narcissists often use manipulation and emotional abuse to control others, and they can be highly reactive when they feel challenged or criticized. They may engage in behaviors like gaslighting (making someone doubt their own reality), lying, or twisting the truth to get what they want. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be difficult, but it’s essential to understand the reasons behind their behavior to develop strategies to cope effectively.

Strategies for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Co-parenting with a narcissist requires patience, planning, and a willingness to set boundaries. Here are some strategies for successful co-parenting with a narcissist:

Set Boundaries: Narcissists are known for their need for control, and co-parenting can be a perfect opportunity for them to exert their control. Establishing clear boundaries about communication, decision-making, and schedules can help prevent the narcissist from manipulating or controlling the situation. Use written agreements, such as a parenting plan or email communication, to help enforce these boundaries.
Keep Emotions in Check: Narcissists can be skilled at manipulating others and pushing buttons to get an emotional reaction. Stay calm and focused when dealing with a narcissistic co-parent, and avoid reacting to their provocations. Focus on the facts and try to avoid engaging in personal attacks or accusations.
Practice Empathy: While it can be challenging to empathize with a narcissist, try to see things from their perspective. Recognize that their behavior is often driven by their own insecurities and need for control. By understanding their perspective, you may be better equipped to manage their behavior and communicate effectively.
Involve a Neutral Third Party: Consider using a neutral third party, such as a mediator or therapist, to help manage communication and decision-making. A mediator can help diffuse conflicts and facilitate communication, while a therapist can help both parties work through their issues and develop strategies for healthy co-parenting.
Focus on the Child: The most important consideration in any co-parenting arrangement is the well-being of the child. Focus on what is best for the child and try to put your personal feelings aside. Keep the child’s needs and interests at the forefront of your decision-making.
Seek Professional Help: Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging and can impact your mental health. If you are struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist.

Here is an example list of boundaries that could be sent to a narcissistic co-parent:

Communication boundaries: Establish clear communication boundaries, such as limiting communication to email or text messages. Clearly define when communication will take place, and set expectations for a timely response.
Decision-making boundaries: Clearly define decision-making boundaries, such as which decisions will be made jointly, and which will be made independently. Consider creating a parenting plan to clearly outline these boundaries.
Personal boundaries: Set boundaries around personal space and time. Establish clear times when the narcissistic co-parent will not be allowed to visit or communicate with you.
Respect boundaries: Establish boundaries around respect and civility. Clearly communicate that name-calling, insults, or disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated.
Financial boundaries: Set clear boundaries around financial responsibilities and expectations. Establish how expenses will be divided, and set expectations for timely payment.
Parenting boundaries: Clearly define expectations around parenting behaviors and values. Set boundaries around discipline, screen time, and other important issues.
Emergency boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around emergency situations. Define what constitutes an emergency and what steps will be taken in case of an emergency.
Legal boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around legal issues. Define expectations around legal representation and decision-making.
Privacy boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around privacy. Define what information will be shared and what information will be kept confidential.
Consistency boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around consistency. Clearly define expectations around consistency in parenting behaviors, schedules, and routines.

These boundaries should be communicated clearly and assertively. It may be helpful to work with a therapist or mediator to establish these boundaries and communicate them effectively. Remember, setting clear boundaries is essential for establishing a healthy co-parenting relationship, and it is important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your child.

Conclusion

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be difficult, but it is possible to co-parent successfully with the right strategies in place. By understanding the reasons behind the narcissist’s behavior, setting boundaries, staying focused on the child’s needs, and seeking professional help, you can navigate the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Meet Lakischa Smith, a proud mother and a dedicated public health advocate. With a Bachelor’s from Dillard University and a Master’s in Public Health from Florida International University, she’s committed to sharing honest narratives about black motherhood. Lakischa believes in fostering sisterhood to combat the pervasive forces of white supremacy, and empowering African American women to be agents of change for future generations. She asserts that recognizing and addressing our community’s struggles is crucial, for healing is the key to moving forward. Armed with the power of education and a deep belief in collective action, Lakischa is determined to ensure that the issues impacting African American maternal health aren’t just seen—they’re addressed and resolved.

Posted on April 28, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith

The Road to Recovery: Overcoming the Trauma of Growing Up with a Narcissistic Parent

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can be a traumatic experience. Narcissistic parents are often manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive. They may make their children feel like they are never good enough and can leave a lasting impact on their self-esteem and mental health.

However, there are ways to combat the effects of growing up with a narcissistic parent. Here are some tips for dealing with the aftermath of narcissistic parenting:

Seek Support

One of the most important things you can do is to seek support from others. Whether it’s talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or confiding in a trusted friend, it’s important to have people in your life who can offer you validation, understanding, and emotional support.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is crucial when dealing with a narcissistic parent. This means being clear about what you will and will not tolerate, and communicating those boundaries in a firm but respectful way. It may also mean limiting contact with your parent, especially if they continue to be emotionally abusive or manipulative.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is an essential practice for anyone, but it’s especially important for those who have experienced narcissistic parenting. This means taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. It may involve things like exercise, meditation, therapy, or spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself.

Challenge Negative Self-Talk

Children of narcissistic parents often internalize the negative messages they receive, leading to a negative self-image and low self-esteem. It’s important to challenge these negative beliefs and replace them with more positive and affirming self-talk. This may involve seeking the help of a therapist or practicing self-compassion and self-love.

Forgive Yourself

It’s important to remember that none of what happened was your fault. Children of narcissistic parents often blame themselves for their parent’s behavior, but it’s important to recognize that you were not responsible for your parent’s actions or feelings. It’s important to forgive yourself for any mistakes you feel you made, and to focus on moving forward and creating a positive future for yourself.

In conclusion, growing up with a narcissistic parent can be a traumatic experience, but there are ways to combat the effects of narcissistic parenting. Seeking support, setting boundaries, practicing self-care, challenging negative self-talk, and forgiving yourself are all essential steps in healing and moving forward. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for a brighter future.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Posted on April 28, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith

Caring for Ourselves, Caring for the World: How Self-Care Allows us to Pour into our Families.

Healing and caregiving are part of the natural essence of the Black woman. From the dawn of time, Black women have been the ones who bring healing, comfort, and care to those around them. We are born nurturers and have always been throughout history.

But as Black women, we often put others’ needs before our own, forgetting that we must first care for ourselves before we can pour into others. It is crucial to remember that self-care is not selfish. It is essential to take care of ourselves first so that we can show up fully for others.

When we care for ourselves, we show ourselves love and respect. We honor our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. This self-care is necessary because it allows us to be our best selves, the ones who show up for our loved ones, and for the world.

If we pour into others before looking after ourselves, we may experience exhaustion, burnout, and even resentment. It’s like pouring water from an empty cup. When we take care of ourselves first, our cups become full, and we can pour into others from a place of abundance, love, and strength.

The practice of self-care can take many forms. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes each day to breathe, meditate, or stretch. It can be as indulgent as a spa day or a solo vacation. It can be as practical as making time to exercise, eat healthily, or get enough sleep.

Self-care also means setting boundaries and saying no when we need to. As Black women, we are often expected to be the ones who take care of everything and everyone. But we must remember that we are not superheroes. We have limits, and it’s okay to say no when we need to rest, recharge, or prioritize our own needs.

When we care for ourselves, we set an example for others. We show our children, our partners, and our communities that it is essential to prioritize self-care. We break cycles of harm and neglect that have been passed down from generation to generation.

Self-care is not a luxury; it is a necessity. By prioritizing our own health and well-being, we show ourselves love and respect. We set an example for others and break cycles of harm and neglect. When we take care of ourselves, we can show up fully for our loved ones and for the world, pouring from a place of abundance, love, and strength.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Posted on April 28, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith

Finding Peace Amidst the Chaos: How Meditation Can Improve our Lives.

Meditation is a practice that has been around for centuries, and its benefits are well-known. For Moms of color, who often face unique challenges and stressors, meditation can be an especially powerful tool for improving mental and physical health.

Here are some of the benefits of meditation for Moms of color:

Reduces Stress and Anxiety

Stress and anxiety can take a toll on our mental and physical health, but meditation has been shown to be an effective way to reduce both. By practicing meditation, Moms of color can learn how to better manage stress and anxiety, and improve their overall sense of well-being.

Improves Sleep Quality

Many Moms of color struggle with getting enough quality sleep, which can have a negative impact on their mental and physical health. Meditation has been shown to improve sleep quality, helping Moms of color to feel more rested and energized.

Boosts Immune System

Meditation has also been shown to have a positive impact on the immune system, helping to strengthen the body’s ability to fight off illness and disease. This is especially important for Moms of color, who may face higher rates of certain health conditions.

Increases Focus and Attention

Moms of color often have to juggle many responsibilities and tasks, which can make it difficult to focus and pay attention. Meditation has been shown to improve focus and attention, making it easier for Moms of color to stay on task and be more productive.

Enhances Emotional Well-Being

Meditation can also help Moms of color to cultivate a greater sense of emotional well-being. By practicing meditation, Moms of color can learn how to better regulate their emotions and respond to difficult situations in a more positive and constructive way.

Lowers Blood Pressure

High blood pressure is a common health concern for Moms of color, but meditation has been shown to be an effective way to lower blood pressure. By reducing stress and promoting relaxation, meditation can help to improve heart health and reduce the risk of heart disease.

Increases Self-Awareness

Meditation is a practice that encourages self-reflection and self-awareness, which can be incredibly beneficial for Moms of color. By becoming more self-aware, Moms of color can better understand their own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and make positive changes to improve their lives and the lives of their families.

Improves Relationships

Meditation can also help to improve relationships, both with oneself and with others. By promoting emotional regulation and empathy, Moms of color can develop stronger, healthier relationships with their partners, children, and friends.

In conclusion, meditation has many benefits for Moms of color. From reducing stress and anxiety to improving sleep quality and boosting the immune system, meditation can help Moms of color to improve their mental and physical health. By practicing meditation, Moms of color can cultivate a greater sense of emotional well-being, increase focus and attention, and improve relationships with themselves and others. If you’re a Mom of color looking to improve your health and well-being, consider incorporating meditation into your daily routine.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Posted on April 28, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith

The Science of Generational Trauma: How Epigenetics Affects Moms of Color and Their Children

Epigenetics is a big word that may seem hard to understand, but it’s actually a really cool and important topic that affects Moms of color and their children. In fact, epigenetics can explain how some things that happened to our ancestors can still affect us today!

First, let’s talk about what genes are. Genes are like the blueprint for our bodies. They determine things like our eye color, hair color, and even how tall we are. We inherit genes from our parents, but did you know that we can also inherit something called epigenetic changes from our parents too?

Epigenetics is like a little switch that can turn our genes on or off. These switches can be turned on or off by things like our environment, diet, and lifestyle. But here’s the really cool part: these switches can also be turned on or off by things that happened to our ancestors!

For Moms of color, this is especially important to understand because some harmful experiences like racism, poverty, and trauma can leave a mark on our genes that can be passed down to our children. This means that the things that our ancestors went through can still affect us today.

But don’t worry, this doesn’t mean that we’re stuck with these harmful marks on our genes forever. In fact, by understanding epigenetics, we can take steps to protect our children and future generations.

One of the most important things we can do is to make sure that we take care of ourselves and our children. This means eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, and finding ways to reduce stress. When we take care of ourselves, we’re not only protecting our own health but also the health of future generations.

Another important thing we can do is to create a positive and supportive environment for our children. Studies have shown that a supportive and loving environment can actually help to turn off harmful switches that may have been turned on by our ancestors.

It’s also important to remember that we’re not alone. By connecting with other Moms of color and seeking out resources, we can find support and guidance on how to protect our children and future generations.

In conclusion, epigenetics is a really cool and important topic that affects Moms of color and their children. It can explain how some harmful experiences from our ancestors can still affect us today. But by understanding epigenetics, we can take steps to protect our children and future generations. By taking care of ourselves, creating a positive and supportive environment, and connecting with others, we can help to break harmful cycles and create a brighter future for our children.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Posted on April 19, 2023June 3, 2023 by lakischasmith — 1 Comment

The Power of Doing Things Differently: How Mothers of Color Are Breaking Cycles of Harm

Motherhood is a journey that requires courage, dedication, and an unwavering commitment to breaking cycles of harm. For mothers of color, this journey can be especially challenging as it often means confronting generations of trauma and harmful practices. But the reward of breaking those cycles and creating a better future for our children is immeasurable.

As mothers, we must be willing to do the work. We must be willing to educate ourselves, to reflect on our own experiences, and to make changes even when it feels uncomfortable. This journey will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

It takes a great deal of strength to break cycles of harm. For many mothers of color, the harm is not only physical but also emotional and psychological. It is passed down from generation to generation, often in the form of beliefs and practices that we may not even be aware of.

It takes courage to confront this harm and to make the decision to do things differently. It requires a willingness to be vulnerable, to examine our own experiences and beliefs, and to make changes that may feel uncomfortable or challenging.

But the reward of breaking those cycles is immeasurable. We are not only creating a better future for our own children but also for future generations. We are healing wounds that have been open for far too long and creating a legacy of strength and resilience.

This journey requires a spiritual foundation. It requires us to connect with our inner strength, to rely on our faith, and to draw on the power of our ancestors. Our ancestors have walked this path before us, and their strength and resilience live on in us. We must honor them by continuing the work of breaking harmful cycles and creating a better future.

It is important to acknowledge that this journey will not be easy. There will be setbacks, there will be days when we feel like giving up. But we must not quit. We must keep going, even when it feels like we’re making little progress. We are breaking toxic cycles that have been passed down for generations, and that is no easy feat. But our dedication is what will create lasting change.

When we break cycles of harm, we are not only creating a better future for our children but also for ourselves. We are releasing ourselves from the grip of harmful beliefs and practices that may have been holding us back. We are creating space for healing and growth, both for ourselves and for our children.

This journey requires a commitment to self-growth and an openness to change. We must be willing to educate ourselves, to seek out resources that are geared towards mothers of color, and to reflect on our own experiences. We must also be willing to make changes, even when it feels uncomfortable or challenging.

One of the most important things we can do in this journey is to create a support system. Surrounding ourselves with people who support our growth as mothers can be incredibly helpful. This can include other mothers of color, family members, friends, or even a therapist. It is important to have people who we can turn to for advice, encouragement, and accountability.

Practicing mindfulness is also important in this journey. Mindfulness is the practice of being present in the moment and aware of our thoughts and feelings. It can help us to be more intentional in our interactions with our children and to respond to them in a calm and loving manner. Practicing mindfulness can also help us to break the cycle of harmful practices by allowing us to pause and reflect before reacting.

We must also be willing to celebrate our successes, no matter how small they may seem. Recognizing the progress that we have made and the positive impact that it is having on our children and our families can be incredibly motivating. It reminds us that our efforts are making a difference and encourages us to keep going.

With Love, Lakischa Smith