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Beyond Biology: Understanding the Concept of ‘Other Mothers’ in Creating Healthy Families and Communities

For many Black women, the concept of “other mothers” is a vital part of their experience of motherhood. Coined by scholar Patricia Hill Collins, the term refers to women who parent children who are not their own. But for writer and thinker bell hooks, the concept of “other mothers” goes beyond just a description of a role. It is a way of understanding the importance of community and the power of women’s relationships.

In hooks’ view, “other mothers” are not just women who happen to be involved in the lives of children. They are women who offer support, guidance, and care to those around them. They are women who are invested in the well-being of their communities and who recognize that the health of the community depends on the health of its members.

For hooks, the concept of “other mothers” is rooted in a deep understanding of the importance of relationships. She writes, “In my life, other mothers have been those women who have been my guides, my models, my teachers, my friends. They have shown me the importance of love, of care, of community.”

Hooks’ own experience of motherhood was shaped by the presence of “other mothers” in her life. As a young mother, she was supported and guided by a community of women who saw her as one of their own. These women offered not just practical support, but emotional and spiritual support as well. They recognized the challenges that hooks faced as a young mother and offered encouragement and guidance when she needed it most.

Through her work, hooks has emphasized the importance of community and relationships in the lives of Black women. She has argued that the health of the community depends on the health of its members, and that women play a vital role in creating and sustaining healthy communities. “Other mothers” are a key part of this equation, offering care and support to those around them.

But the concept of “other mothers” is not just about motherhood. It is about the importance of relationships in all areas of life. As hooks writes, “We all need other mothers in our lives. We need people who will care for us, support us, and guide us. We need people who will challenge us to be our best selves and who will hold us accountable when we fall short.”

In a society that often values individualism and self-sufficiency, the concept of “other mothers” offers a powerful alternative. It reminds us of the importance of community and relationships, and of the ways in which we all rely on each other for support and care. It challenges us to be more than just individuals, but to be members of a larger community.

For Black women, the concept of “other mothers” is particularly important. In a society that has historically devalued and marginalized Black women, the presence of other women who offer care and support can be transformative. These relationships can provide a sense of belonging and connection that is essential for mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

But the concept of “other mothers” is not limited to Black women. It is a concept that can be embraced by all people who recognize the importance of community and relationships. Whether we are mothers or not, we all need people in our lives who will offer care and support, who will challenge us to be our best selves, and who will hold us accountable when we fall short.

In the end, the concept of “other mothers” is a reminder of the power of relationships and the importance of community. It challenges us to move beyond individualism and self-sufficiency and to recognize the ways in which we all rely on each other for support and care. It reminds us that we are not alone, and that we all have a role to play in creating and sustaining healthy communities

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Meet Lakischa Smith, a proud mother and a dedicated public health advocate. With a Bachelor’s from Dillard University and a Master’s in Public Health from Florida International University, she’s committed to sharing honest narratives about black motherhood. Lakischa believes in fostering sisterhood to combat the pervasive forces of white supremacy, and empowering African American women to be agents of change for future generations. She asserts that recognizing and addressing our community’s struggles is crucial, for healing is the key to moving forward. Armed with the power of education and a deep belief in collective action, Lakischa is determined to ensure that the issues impacting African American maternal health aren’t just seen—they’re addressed and resolved.

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The Myth of Sacrifice: Why Moms of Color Deserve to Prioritize Their Own Needs

As a mom of color, you face unique challenges that can make it difficult to prioritize self-care. From the pressures of parenting to systemic oppression and discrimination, it’s easy to put your own needs on the back burner. However, it’s essential that moms of color begin to put themselves first and prioritize their own well-being. Here are some reasons why self-care is so important.

  1. You can’t pour from an empty cup: As a mom, you’re often tasked with caring for others. Whether it’s your children, partner, or extended family, it’s easy to become so focused on their needs that you neglect your own. However, if you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to care for others effectively. Prioritizing self-care means ensuring that your own needs are met so that you can be the best version of yourself for those around you.
  2. Your mental health matters: The stressors of being a mom of color can take a toll on your mental health. From the trauma of systemic oppression to the daily struggles of parenting, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and anxious. Prioritizing self-care means taking time to tend to your mental health, whether that means seeking therapy, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in other stress-reducing activities.
  3. You deserve to feel good: As a mom of color, you may have experienced discrimination or oppression, which can make you feel undervalued or unworthy. Prioritizing self-care means recognizing that you deserve to feel good and taking steps to prioritize your own well-being.
  4. Modeling healthy behaviors for your children: As a mom, you’re a role model for your children. Prioritizing self-care means modeling healthy behaviors for your children, demonstrating that it’s important to take care of oneself and prioritize one’s own well-being.
  5. Resistance to systemic oppression: As a mom of color, prioritizing self-care is an act of resistance against systemic oppression. By taking care of yourself, you’re rejecting the idea that you must constantly put others first and sacrifice your own needs for the greater good. You’re demonstrating that you deserve care and attention, and that you won’t allow yourself to be marginalized or devalued.

So, how can you begin to prioritize self-care as a mom of color? Here are some tips:

  1. Carve out time for yourself: Whether it’s 30 minutes or a few hours, make time for yourself every day. Use this time to engage in activities that bring you joy and help you relax.
  2. Seek support: Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Reach out to friends, family members, or community resources for support.
  3. Engage in stress-reducing activities: Practice mindfulness, meditation, yoga, or other stress-reducing activities. These can help you manage the stressors of daily life and promote relaxation.
  4. Connect with others: Find a community of moms of color who understand your experiences and can offer support and encouragement. This can help you feel less alone and provide a sense of belonging.
  5. Prioritize your mental health: Seek therapy or counseling if you’re struggling with mental health issues. This can help you manage symptoms and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

In conclusion, prioritizing self-care is essential for moms of color. It’s an act of resistance against systemic oppression, a way to model healthy behaviors for your children, and a means of ensuring that you can care for others effectively. By carving out time for yourself, seeking support, engaging in stress-reducing activities, connecting with others, and prioritizing your mental health, you can begin to put yourself first and prioritize your own well-being. Remember, you deserve care and attention.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Meet Lakischa Smith, a proud mother and a dedicated public health advocate. With a Bachelor’s from Dillard University and a Master’s in Public Health from Florida International University, she’s committed to sharing honest narratives about black motherhood. Lakischa believes in fostering sisterhood to combat the pervasive forces of white supremacy, and empowering African American women to be agents of change for future generations. She asserts that recognizing and addressing our community’s struggles is crucial, for healing is the key to moving forward. Armed with the power of education and a deep belief in collective action, Lakischa is determined to ensure that the issues impacting African American maternal health aren’t just seen—they’re addressed and resolved.

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The Art of Love and Money: Single Mothers and Their Desire for Wealthy Partners

It’s not uncommon for single mothers to find themselves attracted to rich men. The idea of financial security and the potential for a lavish lifestyle can be enticing. However, dating a wealthy man comes with its own set of challenges and potential pitfalls. If you’re a single mother looking to date a rich man, here are some things to consider.

  1. Be clear about what you’re looking for: Before entering into a relationship with a wealthy man, it’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for. Are you looking for financial security, or do you want a genuine connection with someone who happens to be wealthy? Be honest with yourself about your motivations for pursuing a relationship with a rich man.
  2. Be aware of power dynamics: When dating a wealthy man, it’s important to be aware of power dynamics. Money can create an imbalance in a relationship, and it’s important to ensure that your needs and desires are being met, regardless of your partner’s financial status.
  3. Avoid gold-digging behavior: It’s important to avoid behaviors that could be seen as gold-digging. This includes making constant demands for gifts or financial support, or expecting your partner to foot the bill for everything. Instead, focus on building a genuine connection with your partner based on mutual interests and values.
  4. Be prepared for a different lifestyle: Dating a wealthy man may mean adjusting to a different lifestyle. This can include attending high-end events, traveling to exotic locations, or having access to expensive possessions. It’s important to be prepared for these changes and to determine if they align with your own values and lifestyle.
  5. Be aware of potential pitfalls: Wealthy men may be seen as targets for financial scams and fraud. It’s important to be aware of these potential pitfalls and to protect yourself financially. Avoid giving out personal information or money, and be cautious when engaging in financial transactions.
  6. Be confident and independent: When dating a wealthy man, it’s important to maintain your own independence and confidence. This includes having your own career and financial stability, as well as maintaining your own interests and hobbies. Don’t lose sight of your own goals and aspirations, and don’t rely solely on your partner for financial support.

In conclusion, dating a wealthy man can be an attractive prospect for single mothers, but it’s important to approach these relationships with caution and a clear understanding of your own motivations and boundaries. Be aware of power dynamics and potential pitfalls, and prioritize your own well-being and independence. By doing so, you can navigate the dating scene successfully and find a relationship that is fulfilling and supportive.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Meet Lakischa Smith, a proud mother and a dedicated public health advocate. With a Bachelor’s from Dillard University and a Master’s in Public Health from Florida International University, she’s committed to sharing honest narratives about black motherhood. Lakischa believes in fostering sisterhood to combat the pervasive forces of white supremacy, and empowering African American women to be agents of change for future generations. She asserts that recognizing and addressing our community’s struggles is crucial, for healing is the key to moving forward. Armed with the power of education and a deep belief in collective action, Lakischa is determined to ensure that the issues impacting African American maternal health aren’t just seen—they’re addressed and resolved.

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Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: Strategies for Success

Co-parenting is often challenging, but it can be especially difficult when one parent is a narcissist. Narcissists are known for their lack of empathy, manipulative behavior, and desire for control. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and can have a negative impact on both the parent and the child. However, there are strategies you can use to co-parent successfully with a narcissist.

Understanding Narcissistic Behavior

Before we discuss strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist, it’s essential to understand some of the traits and behaviors that are common in narcissistic individuals. Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and often believe they are superior to others. They lack empathy, struggle to form healthy relationships, and have an insatiable desire for control and admiration.

Narcissists often use manipulation and emotional abuse to control others, and they can be highly reactive when they feel challenged or criticized. They may engage in behaviors like gaslighting (making someone doubt their own reality), lying, or twisting the truth to get what they want. Co-parenting with a narcissist can be difficult, but it’s essential to understand the reasons behind their behavior to develop strategies to cope effectively.

Strategies for Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Co-parenting with a narcissist requires patience, planning, and a willingness to set boundaries. Here are some strategies for successful co-parenting with a narcissist:

  1. Set Boundaries: Narcissists are known for their need for control, and co-parenting can be a perfect opportunity for them to exert their control. Establishing clear boundaries about communication, decision-making, and schedules can help prevent the narcissist from manipulating or controlling the situation. Use written agreements, such as a parenting plan or email communication, to help enforce these boundaries.
  2. Keep Emotions in Check: Narcissists can be skilled at manipulating others and pushing buttons to get an emotional reaction. Stay calm and focused when dealing with a narcissistic co-parent, and avoid reacting to their provocations. Focus on the facts and try to avoid engaging in personal attacks or accusations.
  3. Practice Empathy: While it can be challenging to empathize with a narcissist, try to see things from their perspective. Recognize that their behavior is often driven by their own insecurities and need for control. By understanding their perspective, you may be better equipped to manage their behavior and communicate effectively.
  4. Involve a Neutral Third Party: Consider using a neutral third party, such as a mediator or therapist, to help manage communication and decision-making. A mediator can help diffuse conflicts and facilitate communication, while a therapist can help both parties work through their issues and develop strategies for healthy co-parenting.
  5. Focus on the Child: The most important consideration in any co-parenting arrangement is the well-being of the child. Focus on what is best for the child and try to put your personal feelings aside. Keep the child’s needs and interests at the forefront of your decision-making.
  6. Seek Professional Help: Co-parenting with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging and can impact your mental health. If you are struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support as you navigate the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist.

Here is an example list of boundaries that could be sent to a narcissistic co-parent:

  1. Communication boundaries: Establish clear communication boundaries, such as limiting communication to email or text messages. Clearly define when communication will take place, and set expectations for a timely response.
  2. Decision-making boundaries: Clearly define decision-making boundaries, such as which decisions will be made jointly, and which will be made independently. Consider creating a parenting plan to clearly outline these boundaries.
  3. Personal boundaries: Set boundaries around personal space and time. Establish clear times when the narcissistic co-parent will not be allowed to visit or communicate with you.
  4. Respect boundaries: Establish boundaries around respect and civility. Clearly communicate that name-calling, insults, or disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated.
  5. Financial boundaries: Set clear boundaries around financial responsibilities and expectations. Establish how expenses will be divided, and set expectations for timely payment.
  6. Parenting boundaries: Clearly define expectations around parenting behaviors and values. Set boundaries around discipline, screen time, and other important issues.
  7. Emergency boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around emergency situations. Define what constitutes an emergency and what steps will be taken in case of an emergency.
  8. Legal boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around legal issues. Define expectations around legal representation and decision-making.
  9. Privacy boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around privacy. Define what information will be shared and what information will be kept confidential.
  10. Consistency boundaries: Establish clear boundaries around consistency. Clearly define expectations around consistency in parenting behaviors, schedules, and routines.

These boundaries should be communicated clearly and assertively. It may be helpful to work with a therapist or mediator to establish these boundaries and communicate them effectively. Remember, setting clear boundaries is essential for establishing a healthy co-parenting relationship, and it is important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your child.

Conclusion

Co-parenting with a narcissist can be difficult, but it is possible to co-parent successfully with the right strategies in place. By understanding the reasons behind the narcissist’s behavior, setting boundaries, staying focused on the child’s needs, and seeking professional help, you can navigate the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist.

With Love, Lakischa Smith

Meet Lakischa Smith, a proud mother and a dedicated public health advocate. With a Bachelor’s from Dillard University and a Master’s in Public Health from Florida International University, she’s committed to sharing honest narratives about black motherhood. Lakischa believes in fostering sisterhood to combat the pervasive forces of white supremacy, and empowering African American women to be agents of change for future generations. She asserts that recognizing and addressing our community’s struggles is crucial, for healing is the key to moving forward. Armed with the power of education and a deep belief in collective action, Lakischa is determined to ensure that the issues impacting African American maternal health aren’t just seen—they’re addressed and resolved.